It’s 10:40pm and we’re again on the train to Budapest. Maybe we’ll make it this time.

Today was pretty bad. We all (except for Rachel) have a terrible case of diarrhea. I woke up sicker than a dog today and thought for sure I would pass out sometime during the day. But thankfully I didn’t. We went to Pizza Hut but I couldn’t eat much. Saw a movie called “Malice” but I just slept. We saw Tommy Boy” yesterday for about .90¢ or $1.10 or somethin’. It felt good to laugh at American slang again.

Bought a cake & 2 bottles of wine last nite and played cards. Cliff and I drank both of them and I think that’s part of the problem today. Yuck! We’re all broke and hoping that we don’t have any more problems until we get home. But that would never happen to us. Please let us get out of here! Alive! WE JUST WANT TO GO HOME! Even Switzerland is okay! C’mon! I really feel like shit so if something happens along the way I’m going to freak out. I don’t want to deal with anything or anyone. I want to sleep and I want to get to Budapest tomorrow without any problems. All I want is Rachel in my arms and my guitar.

All I wanted to do with my life is play my music for people and show the world my point of view. But it doesn’t look like I’ll get that far due to this trip. I just want to survive. It’s kind of like my life is this train ride and my goal is to get to the bathroom but there’s just so damn many people in the hallway that there’s no way I’m going to get through. Just need high hopes, and for now I’ll just have to hold it.

It’s only noon here but I just wanted to say that I’ve never so happy to be bored in my life. I hate it here- the people (some) are nice but I never had the intention of being here. As far as I’m concerned the European trip is over, done, finito. I refuse to see any more stoopid [sic] structures or churches or museums. I know that when I get home I’ll release my stress on the first fucker that starts something with me. I never liked to fight but I have 3 months of anger built up inside me…

(Exchange rate=$1.00 to 63 lira)

{Hilarious! I’ve still never been in a fight so I wonder where all of that anger went! lol!}

10:10pm and finally okay. Here we are in Sofia fucking Bulgaria where I don’t want to be.

Okay, about last night. Sorry I didn’t finish what I was writing last night but we were ordered off the bus.

Okay, we were put on a bus with all these smelly, fat, ugly Bulgarian fucks and had no idea where we were going. My famous last words to a Yugo soldier before leaving Yugo- “I hope we nuke ‘em.” They stop at the Bulgarian border and say “Go!” There’s no light, no stores, no people. Just a road.

So we walk in the dark for a few miles until 4:00am where we met a kid who spoke English. He said to take a taxi to the train station and wait there for him. We paid $2.00 to drive a mile and followed him to a train and got on and went into a box and slept. It would not leave for another 2 hours and no electricity. 4:30am cold, tired, hungry, dehydrated, pissed off…

Woke up in Sofia about 7:30am and paid $11.00 for a train ride. Sat in the station and reserved a place to stay. 9:30am we get on a tram. Get 1 block up and a lady orders us off the tram. No English. We didn’t understand what the fuck was going on so we just called her everything in the book to her face. We called the American Embassy and they said to just walk away because the tram people bust tourists because they have to meet a quota. So we left.

Found this place around 11:30am hungry, dehydrated, tired, pissed off. Slept for a while. Went out at night for food. I went into a gyro shop and after I paid I was walking out and a teenage kid hit me on the head. I turned around and said “You got a fucking problem.” They just laughed because they didn’t understand me. If I was in the states I would’ve beat the living shit out of him but here in Bulgaria I don’t know if I’ll get my hand chopped off for it. We got some pizza and bought some cherry brandy afterwards. Happy Birthday, Cliff. What a fucking day for it.

Also, Cliff and I were joking around because Tara bought a flower for him so he held it while we held hands and pranced down the street like a bunch of flamers. Later we read in the “Let’s Go Europe” book and it said that there’s a lack of tolerance for homosexuality here. OOPS!!! Fucking Bulgarians…

Woke up and visited the inside of the blue mosque. So incredible! You have to take your shoes off because of the Turkish-type carpets covering the whole thing! Wow! Hopped on the train at 10:00am and that brings us to-------------à

11:30pm

Oh boy oh boy! I’ve never been so afraid as I am right now. It could be nothing but to me right now one half hour away from Yugoslavia I fear showing my red, white + blue nationality to police. I’ve never had luck with them anyway… We’re coming from Turkey and in Bulgaria right now wondering  if we can get visas to get through Yugoslavia. We just want to get to Budapest alive because it’s faster to Switzerland from there. It’s strange to feel this way because I’ve never looked upon my life as sacred to me until something like this happens. I know I won’t make it past 25 but come on!

Everyone is saying that if we cannot get passports they will just send us back to Sophia (Bulgaria) for a traveler’s visa from the embassy. We’re just tourist/ dumb travelers and we don’t want anything to do with what’s going on in Yugo. We just want to use the tracks that go through it. We’re on a 28 hour train from Istanbul to Budapest that left this morning at 10 o’clock. We paid 92 dollars for this fucking ride and I don’t want to come back this way again. I’m just such a different fucking person that everyone else and I don’t know if I like it anymore. I hate the looks, I hate the comments. I’m proud to be myself unlike many others, but sometimes I just wish that I could be myself but not stick out like the sore thumb of society. Now I just want to be home with Rachel and stay within my own realms for a while. But the experience was nice- it’s just not for me. I just want to get out of Yugo- if I can even get in. Jay is the only person that knows I’m here so at least someone knows. Well, we’re getting close- I’ll write the results later. Ta- Ta! Oh boy oh boy! I’ve never been so afraid as I am right now…

3:00am

Okay. This is not cool. We get to the border- Americans free. Swiss is a no go. Rachel cannot get a visa. Period. We wait at the station in Yugoslavia for, well, let’s just say a long time. Rachel gets her passport taken away. She is told to go back to Sofia (Bulgaria) without us. I don’t think so.

Woke up for brunch around 10:00am and hit the Bazaar yet again. I spent $513.00 from the 8^th until yesterday. Impossible! Oh well, sorry mom and dad! Hit MacDonald’s again and went back to shower w/ Rachel for the 2^nd night in a row. She makes bath time so much fun!

Watched a light show at the blue mosque and it was the most incredible thing I have ever seen. Pigeons were flying around it and it looked like white flickers everywhere. I felt like I was in a fairytale like Cinderella for a moment. Cool!

Went to the Orient hostel again and slept for a few hours. Went to the Grand Bazaar and MacDonald’s afterwards. Drank some beers and played cards at night. Met Rob and Troy who worked there and shot the shit until bedtime.

Well, well, well, here we aren’t. {At this point Rachel starts to write in my journal} “Actually we are in the bus to Istanbul (oh encore, FUCKING bus) but I don’t want to write in my journal now, because I want to speak with Rachel. Even if she doesn’t speak very well!!!”

Okay, anyways, it’s 9:15pm and I’m beat! We arrived at 8:00am this morning and ate some pancakes at a restaurant before hitting the tour bus at 9:30am. We went through the largest underground city in the world and it was for the city to hide in case of an invasion. Cool! This town is remarkable! The citty is literally carved out of dome rocks comme ca---à {insert drawing of said rocks} with rocks on top of some of them! Just incredible.

We took a 4km hike through this canyon and what a view! We visited 2 churches (about 500ad) and they were pretty dumb, but it really makes you want to believe it with the original pictures on the cement walls and ceiling. But they got nuts when people (and Rachel) used flashes on their cameras because it was a church, which really pisses me off when I hear stupid fucking rules like that. What a crock of shit. You can be christian but you can’t take a fucking picture?! Come on!

Anyways, we walked for what seemed like eternity before we got to some “punk sheep” which had spray paint on them, and then walked some more to a restaurant where we ate a stir-fry-type meal (with a beer, of course) and talked with some French and Australian people. It was cool. We came back and sat around at the bus stop for an hour and got on this bus around 7:15pm. Another day of yawns tomorrow…

-end 9:30pm-

Cliff in one of the 40 underground cities of Cappadocia

Rachel and I in Cappadocia

Tara and Cliff in Cappadocia

punk rock sheep!

Okay. Its 22:00 now and we’re on a bus to Cappadocia [sic]. It’s only 11hrs. no problem! Alrighty then, about yesterday. We ended up getting our laundry washed (all of it for about $2.00 altogether) around 10:30 after breakfast and MTV Europe. I watched the Soul Asylum video called “Misery” and it’s beautiful/ I love their lyric/ rhythm idea. C’est genial! Then we took a boat ride down the European side of Turkey and then stopped on the Asian side and got some waffles. I bought an awesome hat and we fed some baby cats some milk. It was the happiest time of the day.

We took the boat down the Asian side and got back around 6:30pm so it was off to Macdonald’s! We finished up and I left with a cone and ½ of my soda when just outside a little fucking beggar boy (they’re everywhere- stupid little bastards) latched onto my hand so I dragged him half a block before he let go. I gave him my soda which by that time was all ice anyways. At least I’ve got a home.

Went back to the hostile and tried to call Craig U. but no luck. So we went out for coffee and watch the Olympics with a room full of Brits and Australians so when we watched ourselves win 1^st place for guys + girls 400m relay it was hard to hold back our cheer U.S.A. has the fastest man +woman in the world. Both black, of course. We went to bed early so I massaged Rachel to sleep because I felt so bad since we started taking about Kelli L. (god forbid) and it made her bored. I don’t blame her.

Today we got these bus tickets and breakfast and more MTV and headed off the the “Grand Bazaar.” I bought so much shit- things for Jeremy S., Floyd, Jay, and Craig U., and even a $200.00 rug for my parents. I got it for $160.00. In the states it’s about $500.00 so that’s cool. We bummed around (hit BK and MacDonald’s today!) and looked at Mosks [sic] some more before getting our bags and heading off for here. Turkey has helped me to appreciate this trip a little more but T&C aren’t helping at all. I’m sick of beggars and all the perverts here- all of them. Everyone with a dick. (And some without, I guess)

I’m sick of hearing car horns all day, and stepping in garbage and dog shit everywhere. But Acumba Mattada, hey?! What the fuck- I’m in Turkey man! Only 1 more week (hey- the clock in here reads 0:00! Kick ass! I kissed my watch for you Floyd! That must be totally fucking lucky! I’m sick of military time, but there’s no 12:00am- it’s zero o’clock here!) to enjoy it so I will!

I’m going to bed now, but Rachel taught me a shitload of French tonight, so that’s cool. C’est monstre genial! Bonne nuit!

Finally a cool place! We’re in Istanbul and after all the hellish train experiences we’re finally here! We got in at around 8:30am yesterday and started walking to the “Orient Youth Hostel” when we saw all these police running towards the bus/ trolly [sic] thing all grabbing their guns. So since we were about 30 feet away we decided to watch. About 50 pigs surrounded the car and about 20 jumped in. It was so cool to see about 100+ people put their arms in the air while pigs searched for a terrorist figure. No luck. So we left.

A man offered us an apartment with 2 rooms and a shower so we thought “what the hell” so we went there and slept for a long time. Woke up around 8:30pm and hit Burger King for a change. Called my parents last night- everything’s fine there. People are very strange here- they all make strange faces and gestures to you. It’s hard to make sure you don’t look suspicious because you take the chance of the police taking you down.

Well, today we woke up early and came to the Orient YH because the other place didn’t have hot water (go figure). No problem- there’s always cool people to talk to here. It’s nice and cheap here too- $5.00 a night to stay, Marlboro smokes for .90¢, cheap smokes for .33¢ (about), Coke for .33¢, museums for $1.00, breakfast (omelette [sic], bread, jam, and coffee) for under $2.00. It was so cool to take out $100.00 and receive 5,000,000 Turkish lira. That’s 5 bills saying 1,000,000! Cool! C’est genial! C’est monstre cool! (My new word).

This place is so beautiful with its architecture and churches for the muslims. They worship 5 times a day with hymns flowing throughout the city all day.

(Exchange rate= $1.00 to 45,000 Turk Lira)

It’s 2:45am (actually the 12^th) and we’re on a fucked up train to Turkey. If I had known it was going to be this shitty of a ride I would have been on my way to Switzerland.

Okay. Yesterday we arrived in Thessaloniki at about 4ish and walked into MacDonald’s. It was like a dream to see those arches. We found a hostel and took our cold showers (the 1^st since PP) and never left until I went to make a phone call to Floyd. He told me Bob is getting fucking married on Sept. 14^th? That’s fucking crazy! So I called Bobby and congratulated him and blah blah. I guess nobody’s hanging out anymore- Mykk & Christina are doin’ their own thing, and Phish and Mel aren’t talking. Why does this always fucking happen? Tried calling Craig U. and Jay but neither of them were home. I called grandma and my parents put $600 in. Yahoo! I can eat!

Today we got up and out around 11:00am and headed to MacDonald’s again before hitting the bus station. We got on the train at 2:30pm and have been going ever since. Greek trains just completely suck. They are so damn wobbly and smell like shit & piss. Got woken up at 2:00am and got our passports taken twice. They demanded American money for paying for a visa but the train station didn’t have dollars so we had to get Deutsche Marks. Nobody’s very happy here. We all just want to go home, but I fear about years of flashbacks in middle of the night that my passport is missing. I’m sick of showing passports and train tickets everywhere I fucking go. I hate bread & cheese and water, and I have a wonderful collection of warts on the bottom of my feet. Souvenirs from either Italy or Greece. One of those shitty countries.

Good news today, though. Today I smiled. Jerry Garcia is dead! He died Wednesday morning at a drug treatment center (who’d have thought?). That’s one good thing about being away from the states right now. U.S.A. must be turned upside down. Little pussies. “We dropped our jobs to follow the dead 10 year ago and now I forgot to read and write.” HALLELUIAH! Well, that’s one good thing about today. That’s all.

It’s 10 after 10 right now and my hands are trembling from not eating anything but bread and chocolate for a few days (I had a small pizza yesterday) and my eyes are red and swollen from lack of sleep. My body is sweaty from sitting in a box with 6 other people on yet another fucking 7 hour train, but even worse is that it itches from the salt water yesterday. Haven’t washed my hair since the Pink Palace so the salt is just eating away at my scalp. My feet hurt from I don’t know what- they just do. We spent 8 hours on a boat that was so windy we had to strap our shit down and woke up every ten minutes because our sleeping bags would blow away.

Arriving at Athens at 5:30am we had to walk to the station (1/2 mile) and wait there for 3 hours until the train came. Now we have until 3:30pm to stay in a seated position with our legs at 90 degrees and our arms at our side, with bread, water, and chocolate to eat. Then we try to find a hostel, but we’ll probably end up camping on the hard ground with no showers, no pillow, setting up the tent, blazing heat, no wind, bread water and chocolate to survive. And after rolling in our tent all night long with 1 hour of sleep we get to pay $10.00 for sleeping in someone’s campground. Another day of yawns. Why can’t they lay the tracks down sober.  I swear on my left nipple that they use square wheels just to piss us off. Fucking Greeks.

I wrote a postcard to Bob yesterday. I think he knows that I don’t like it here anymore. Maybe. I paid fifty cents to pee today, but it was worth it- they give you 5 squares of TP with your paid subscription. Haven’t shit in 3 days. Maybe it’s because I never had to go or was too damn tired to go. Or maybe it’s because I need more than 5 squares of goddamn toilet paper to wipe my ass. I’d ask for six but it would probably fuck up her cost calculations. But being the bright little bunny that I am I kept the five pieces and so the next time I take my 50 cent piss and 5 squares I’ll have plenty of squares to go around. Hell, I might just be in a courteous mood and leave the remaining squares on the broken toilet seat so that the next guy only has to pay 50 cents for a shit rather than my $1.00 shit. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. Maybe tomorrow. I can hold it. Or maybe just half- I do have 5 squares.

The daze are going nice and fast- the End Is Near!

Okay, recap. On the 7^th we went camping at a place with a pool and everything, so after taking a dip and a shit we went into town and rented mopeds for 24 hours. They were 90cc’s instead of my 50cc so it was fast. 1,500 drack marks [sic] each ($6.00) for me and Rachel to share one. So after some gyros we drove out to the middle of nowhere and went down the side of a cliff to watch the sunset. It was so beautiful because there were 2 more islands in front of us and the sky was all orange. It was the first time I had completely watched the sun disappear.

We layed [sic] and kissed until dark and went back up to go back. At the top we saw a huge fire and it scared me at first, but it was just a junkyard. We got back and slept, because in the morning we wanted to see the other end of the island. We did. And we even found a secluded spot by the shore and we went swimming. It was a real shame that we didn’t have our swimsuits because we had to go without our clothes on. Damn.

We headed back to the bike shop, but stopped to write our names with white rocks on the side of a brown mountain. It was tradition! We brought the bike back and walked to the town for more gyros. At this time (1:30pm) I had eaten 11 gyros on the last 36 hours. They are my “European beaners”!!

We spent 3 hours trying to find the right but and when we finally made it back Tara and Cliff decided that they wanted to leave now. This was the point where I had officially declared myself sick and utterly disgusted with Tara and Cliff. I was so pissed. I just wanted to swim and sleep, but no, my opinions don’t mater this summer, so boom, we go.

We just made it onto the boat, and one and a half hours later we were in Ios. T&C decided to sleep outside so me and Rachel had the tent to ourselves. We kissed and watched the moon for a while and fell asleep. This morning was supposed to be a relaxing time for me since we weren’t leaving until 8:30pm tonight, but T&C decided that it would be best if we did another 5min. takedown of the tent/ bags packed/ checkout/ find a travel agency. So I blew up. I am so sick of their shit I can taste it. Nothing is good enough for them. So, of course, we (me & Rachel) get the ass end of it. We got to listen to it, and get blamed for everything. And if they rip on me & Rachel for kissing one more time I’m going home early. I hate their fucking faces. I just want to be home by my friends- except with Rachel.

We swam in the sea for what will probably be the last time today, so we layed [sic] and kissed in the water until our skin was completely fried. No prob!

Tonight we leave for Athens again to check on Turkey prices. It’s not looking good! I wanted to see Paros because it’s supposed to have a shitload of butterflies but we can’t anymore. We were supposed tonight. Oh well. It’s not the 1^st time I’ve been disappointed on this trip…

Rachel is constantly thinking that I am mad at her but it’s just that I am so sick of traveling at this point that just thinking of Frank’s Pizza Palace brings me to a full climax right now. God do I miss Bob and co. But I want to stay here only because of her. I will miss her so much. So I will battle it through just for her- but T&C aren’t helping the war. They’re the ones I’m fighting. C’est pas grave!

{Sadly, the group of friends back home I spoke so much about had practically disintegrated that summer. I spent one evening sipping coffee with three of them shortly after my return and to my knowledge it was the last time I ever stepped foot in that place.}

Okay. It’s 1:00 am and I’m yet again on a fucking boat. Today we just bummed around Athens since there wasn’t a lot to see here anyway. We found a hostel last night and they gave me a free shot of OUZO before crashing. We left around 11:00am to see the Acropolis and it was really fucking cool! So much history… I got see the original Sphinx just like the one in “The Neverending Story” except a lot smaller. It dated back to 550bc!

Afterwards we hit a cool little flea market where I finally found a TS {Twisted Sister logo} patch! So nothing could make me happier than a “Royal Menu” so it was off to MacDonald’s for lunch/breakfast/ dinner. We just bummed around after that until we got to the port at around 8:00pm to wait for this fucking boat. I tried to get a hold of my parents but decided that they were at my grandmas so I called out at the lake. My grandma was happy to hear from me but said that my mom was gone camping with {my uncle} Mark and co. for the week. But all’s well back in the shithole.

There’s a shitload of people on this boat and I hope they’re all going to IOS so it won’t be crowded in San Torrini. There was a bum-rush onto this boat and the person next to me didn’t understand the concept of gravity so he plummeted into the murky depths below. Oh, so sorry! Too many fucking people!

The Zeller family found a place to stay but mom is having a hard time saying goodbye to her 20 yr. home. I feel bad for her, and I see how bat it affects Rachel because she talked to me about it. It feels so good to have somebody tell me their problems again because it reassures me that I’m not the only person who gets the shit end of life. I wish I could take all the pain but it just doesn’t work that way, I guess. I’m really getting excited for home again- a nice, warm bed, beaners, friends, coffee, guitar, friends, music, food, friends, the English language, possibly cigarettes, the band, and last but not least my friends. I realize that chances like these don’t come often, and I love traveling in general, but living in these conditions is the one thing I know I will not miss.

The Acropolis from afar

View from the Acropolis

I remember running back to take a picture of my "Neverending Story" Sphinx

Add caption

Rachel and I waiting for the ferry to San Torrini

Sorry about the stretch of time, but Corfu was by far the best part of the trip so far. I’ve been on a boat since 7:30am this morning and now it’s 5:20pm. We’re hitting Athens tonight so that means more train rides until around 9:30pm tonight. The mountains are fucking gorgeous here as well.

Okay, about Corfu- we arrived at around 8:30am with empty stomachs and high hopes for the Pink Palace. A car took us about half an hour up through the mountains to a big pink building. We got inside and were told to throw our bags down and get some free soda and take a seat. After about 20 minutes we all got a large shot glass full of this pink stuff and a man stood up and said “Okay, welcome to the Pink Palace. You may want to ask what the stuff in front of you is but we say who the fuck cars , it gets you drunk.” It ended up being the traditional drink on the island called “OUZO” which tasted like anus [sic]candy {i.e. “Anise” candy}. He told us to all enjoy ourselves and about all the activities that went on- bungee jumping, cliff jumping, and of course, a shitload of drinking! He pointed out the people who would be carrying us back to our rooms at night, and where to go for the free lunch and dinner. After a few rounds of free OUZOs we went to eat our breakfast which was until noon because you probably have a hard time waking up in the morning!

Breakfast was ham and tomatoes with all the bread and jam we could eat. Afterwards we hit the beach which was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen, and then relaxed in our room for a while. Cool music was playing and for a few songs they had Dr. Dre on which reminded me of Jay. Diner was at 9:00pm so we drank a few beers and I bought my first pack of smokes again for the special occasion. Dinner was lasagna, salad, soup, and bread which was of course to soak up some beer. After that it was party time! We started the night off with a “blowjob” shot and proceeded to drink beers for the rest of the night.

At 11:00pm the festivals began with some guys going a traditional Greek dance and then the volleyball winners of the day had to drink a bottle of OUZO to see if they could eat the record. They didn’t, but the night before the record was broken at 6.1 seconds. That’s six people! After that it was the traditional; plate breaking ceremony which was by far the best part. The owner of the place looked like Walter (Tara’s parents’ friends) and he went all around the circle smashing plates on people’s heads. It was great so I did it! Well, first it was a person who got a stack of 10 over their heads, but they were fed 4 shots of OUZO first so no big deal.

I’ll write later- we’re at the port…

7:45pm

Okay, I love trains. So anyways, we all got plates smashed over our heads and soon after a shot of OUZO to forget the pain. After that they got 5 girls from the U.S.A. and 5 from anywhere else for a beer guzzling contest. We won. Of course, and celebrated with dancing and beer until around 1:00am. Then me and Rachel went down to the beach and talked for hours about the coolest stuff. How we felt about certain issues and our fears and hopes in life. I told her that I loved her that night. In English and French just to get the complete power of the word out.

The next day we woke up to hot dogs and scrambled eggs with more bread. Oh yeah, we had coffee both days as well for a change. Yummy. It’s such a treat just to have a cup nowadays. But afterwards we swam again- big waves today!

Me and Rachel took a douche again and went back to the room for full body massages with oil and everything. It was very relaxing for a change, so we just layed [sic] around until 8, except for a pizza and a soda at around 5:00pm. At 8 we went up to the bar and started with a beer before dinner. Then we ate more salad, soup and veggies, rice and meat for dinner. Then back to the bar for a Bloody Mary. Also I tried some Rum & Coke, grasshopper, Kamikase [sic], and a full shot of tequila to mention some. Same activities tonight except for the Europeans won the drinking contest. Me and Rachel layed [sic] on the beach afterwards again, just shooting the shit until about 3:00am, so we went back and fell asleep until 4:40 when the waking committee came to our rescue. We hopped on a bus at 5:15am and got free bottles of water before saying goodbye to our heaven on Earth. We will be back.

Today is not worth mentioning since it was all boats and trains. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Sha-na-na-na, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye! Glad to be leaving Italy. As much as I loved Rome and Pompeii the rest of it was just shit. We got a good night sleep last night, but I had a feeling it was going to rain so I packed up a little. Cliff reassured me that it wouldn’t rain, so when I woke up to black skies and thunder and lightning (eclaire) I could just be sure that it wouldn’t. But holy shit! That was the biggest storm I’ve seen in years, and being a Doule, of course I’d have to be camping the day it happened.

After it was over we hung everything out to dry and went swimming. I love massages with lotion- even though it was my first one! Rachel and I danced without any music, lights, or people, but who needs anything but a partner to dance?! Sometimes you don’t even need that!

We walked around Brindisi and decided on a wonderful Italian restaurant to eat at! No service fees, no table fees. My ass! We had an extraordinarily (whew) large bill. We refused to pay so the police came and blah, blah, blah too much to write about…we paid an extra 6,000 lira and got the hell out of there.

Now I’m on a boat to Corfu for some drinkin’ and partying! But for now I get to sleep with Rachel in my arms and beer in my hand! It’s so romantic up here! I had 2 cigarettes today but that’s because I was so stressed with the diner ordeal. Oh well! Ciao!

{Once again, I am amazed at my lack of detail regarding this incident. On our way down to the port we walked through a park and met a kid who was handing out flyers for a restaurant offering a discount for students. It was a great deal so we headed down to take advantage of it, and after the meal we received the bill which, as mentioned, was much higher than advertised. We told the manager about the mistake and he said “No, no, you must ask for a special student menu for that discount.” Nothing was mentioned about this, and even the two women seated next to us had seen us with the flyer when we arrived and they were suggested we just leave without paying the full amount.  We took their advice and as we started to leave the manager came back out and grabbed me, practically dragging into the restaurant. I can still remember how threatening he wanted to be, and although I was a bit scared I was still also young and invincible. He told me to pay him the rest of the money and I said “No” which infuriated him. He kicked over a stool full of menus next to me and brought his face so close to mine that I thought he was going to give me an Eskimo kiss. “You fucking fucky American fuck!”  I’m not sure why I did this, but I recall saying “Fuck Italy” and then proceeded to make bomb noises (whistle….kaboom!). He was getting ready for another rant when two police officers showed up and suddenly his entire demeanor changed. I was brought back outside and asked what had happened, and as I mentioned his “American fucks” comment he denied the entire thing. “I said fox! FOX! You know, like the beautiful animal!”

The officers advised us to leave, and we didn’t need to be told twice. As we left the scene Cliff explained that the two women seated next to us had flagged down the police for us and I was so thankful for that.

We had to pass through the park on our way out, and lo and behold, there was that same kid handing out the flyers. Cliff was the first to pass him and as he did he grabbed the entire stack of pink flyers and threw them up in the air like confetti and we all laughed as he cursed us out in Italian. It was the perfect ending to our Italian nightmare.

It’s August already! Well, if you like rain Brideise [sic] is the place for you! We ended up going out for pizza last night and it was really good! Afterwards we walked a little up the road be a mini-carnival and I won Rachel a little key chain so I felt good. We got some gelatto’s [sic] and sat down by the street and played songs on the jukebox. I played the Cure ‘Lullabye’ and ‘Babble’ and it felt so good to listen to The Cure while I’m in Italy for some reason. We also played U2 ‘Still Haven’t Found… and since there was a carnival in the background I felt like I was in the video. It seemed like a romantic night for me and Rachel for some strange reason, but I didn’t mind. I didn’t get much sleep last night either, and woke up to black skies and rain.

We went to Brindisi for a while but decided that it would be best to come back and swim. It was great! A guy tried to con Rachel into getting it on with his son, but I walked by just on time. She told them that I was her boyfriend- isn’t that great!? Everybody knows us here so we get strange looks everywhere we go. Nipple piercings don’t help, either.

Well, we’re going to eat more pizza, so Ta-Ta! Oh yeah, I had a portion of a cigarette last night and I told Rachel that I quit for her. She was happy but she didn’t even believe me at first. C’est vrai! I’m so lucky and happy to have her! Time to go poopy!

11:05pm

Well, another successful pizza night with ice cream gelato afterwards, not to mention The Cure again!

Tomorrow we finally leave for Greece where we actually get to see things again. For some reason I miss walking around, and even though I know I’ll regret saying that, it’s true. Sorry, I’m just talking stooped [sic] because I’m really tired. Rachel got to talk with some Swiss people before, so she was happy about that. I feel so sorry for her sometimes because I (we) know how she feels when we talk. You feel very left out. I feel that way a lot- like I’m just not pleasing her. I just wish that I could speak French because I would talk to her forever with it. But I’m just happy to speak a language with her.

Tara et Cliff are getting impatient with our mushiness, but I just tell them to fuck off- I had to watch them for 2 fucking months and then it was okay. But now it’s bad because it bothers them. Oh, it’s not funny anymore. Fuck off. I’m just starting to realize how much of this vacation is based on her. Some people see Europe for the sights and cultures, but I come to fall in like. That’s okay- I like to include her in all my thoughts- it’s not often that I get the chance to be with a girl. I’ll enjoy it while I can. Happiness doesn’t last forever, but I’m not asking for it that long anyways- just for one more month…

I’ finally starting to appreciate everything again because I sometimes lose the fact that I’m actually in Europe instead of shit-hole town.

I’ll just keep smiling.

Finally out of Naples! We decided that heading south would be our best bet since we have to hit Greece soon. So we come to Ostuni (well actually right outside of it) to a campground called LAMAFORGA in Carovigno. The train was crowded but we kissed a conductor’s ass so he gave us his 1^st class room. Neato!

Well, it’s 6:30pm here and it’s thundering and lightning out so I’ll be wet soon (What? No Wet). This place is fucking great, even though there’s not too much to observe. It has waterfalls! I’ll say it’s like a Waupaca waterslide/ campground without the Americans. We’re so well-known here since everyone’s Italian- we stick out like a sore thumb.

Rachel has been an extra special person over the past few days- I never thought I was missing something without a relationship but so far she has proven me wrong (knock on wood). She rubbed lotion on my back today and even though that may sound incredibly stupid it’s one of those things that just made me feel so good. I’ve always had to live independently so I never had the chance to give someone a piece of me and expose most of the feelings that I’ve had locked up all this time. And although I feel less independent now I still think that it’s a good thing for me- I’m one of those people who are bound to break down someday for trying to be so independent with this mind, but at the same time a fragile body that needs support.

I love Italy! It’s gorgeous everywhere  you go- well, since I’ve only stayed in 2 different places I guess I can’t assume it’s all good. But I can fucking pretend!

We got 2 the campground called S. Fortunata Campogaio in a town called Sorrento right outside of Naples when it was already dark so we had to set up the tent quietly. We went and looked at the water and immediately agreed that the next day (hier) we would take the day off until 4:00pm to relax and swim. It was fucking great! Just like bath water except saltier. Tara and Cliff went up around noon so I just layed [sic] with Rachel for hours on end not caring about anything that went on around me.

Afterwards we went to downtown Sorrento and walked around for a few hours before going back to the campground for some dinner. I had a ham & cheese omlette [sic] that tasted like French toast and since the waiters were dicks we didn’t leave them a tip.

Last night was probably the best night of my life. Romance seen only in the movies was suddenly staring me- and not as the geek this time. Rachel and I spent the night on the side of a cliff overlooking the whole sea, with “loveboats” all lit up passing by with music and lights blaring out of all sides. Above us we had a techno party going on with trippy lights shooting out over the cliff. We had a candlelight snack consisting of cantaloupe and Ice tea [sic]. How romantic! j/k. But we spent the night there falling asleep to the waves and a slight breeze and waking up to some boats, some fisherman, and a hawk gliding endlessly overhead. The only thing that sucks about camping is ants. But it’s worth it.

Today we’re going to Pompay [sic] to see a volcano and make our way to Palermo on the island tonight. This trip is so cool so far, and it’s just now that I’m starting to realize how great this trip has been. I’m 18 and can already say that I’ve been to 16 countries and 4 continents already. Before I came I knew nothing about the rest of the world- the real world, but now I have such an awesome experience in most of it. I know the cultures, the scenery, and even the architecture. Sort of like how you and always tell Florida by its palm trees. And now I know about the palm trees in Nice, France and Barcelona, Spain as well.

Things are changing all the time. Days and dates are lost in the adventure, and I probably wouldn’t even know the month if it wasn’t for this journal.

12:35am

I really don’t have much to write about, but I have enough time to build a fucking kite and fly it. We’re sitting in a bus/train station in Naples waiting for a 1:28am train to Brindisi [sic] instead of the island now. I just got yelled at for scratching Rachel’s back in the station because the police will give me a ticket. Fuck that!

Today we went to Pompeii for a few hours and it was so cool! The sights are getting better and better all the time with Gibralter [sic], Rome, and Pompeii being the most impressive so far. Italians are exactly the same as their stereotype- loud, obnoxious, cocky, egotistical, pussball piece of shit pissbags who like girls and horns. Not to mention taking other people’s possessions…LOVE the country hate the pricks.

{I’m so surprised I never mentioned the water fight we had in Pompeii. All four of us were running around trying to fill up our water bottles and chasing each other through the streets as the other tourists scrambled to avoid getting soaked. It couldn’t have lasted more than five minutes but it’s one of my fondest memories of the trip.}

I don’t know exactly how to label myself anymore. Nobody is true, because somebody else has done it already. Like if I love myself then I’m egotistical, but if I kill myself then I must have wanted to n be like Kurt {Cobain}. I never know how to complete myself because there’s always that part of me that is 100% confused on who I’m supposed to be. I will never be a “normal” in society because my preferences are not accented.

I have the gut feeling that I’m never going to see the age of 26. Don’t ask me why, because suicide has never been the thought. It’s too stupid. I’m just the piece of onion ring that always seems to find its way into the fries. Because nobody likes that. I love you all I hate myself, it’s just the way I’ve always felt You are right and I am wrong, so lie your ass off all day long.

(Written at the top of the page: “Aw fuck it- How often do you get to write “I’m in fucking Rome!”)

Well, it’s only 4:40pm right now so I don’t have too much to write about yet. But since I’m on the 2 our train ride outta here I want to pass the time by.

Last night was great- we ended up going to MacDonald’s for dinner and afterwards we went to check out some fountains. We did a traditional over-the-shoulder coin toss into the fountain and it’s supposed to mean that we will return to Rome together in the future, or some shit. We checked out another fountain afterwards and then we figured we had better hop on a bus if we wanted to make it back. We had just gotten into the train station when a woman outside started screaming like she was getting stabbed or raped or something. All the guards started to run to her and that’s when I freaked out. I was so afraid that we would be threatened or something that I made sure that Rachel was always in front of me of next to me so that I could see her at all times. We ended up getting on the last bus to the station, and only one bus was left, and it was on its way out. But we asked for a ride and he said sure. All the lights were off and we were being very quiet so the bus driver forgot about us.

Next thing we know we’re sitting in the main bus station waiting for the driver to get his car and personally give us a ride to the campsite. What a night! Our first full day together! It was the best day in Europe so far…

Today we saw the sisteen chapel [sic] and it was fucking amazing! Oh-that reminds me- I taught Rachel how to use proper accenting on “fucker.” Such as: fuck face, fucker, and fucking cool and she loves to say it so it’s very entertaining for me seeing as I use it all the time.

Well, I’ll write later- this train is too fucking annoying- the driver is on crack.

6:15pm

(I’m still on the fucking train) I never realized what consisted of a relationship until I got this chance. The opportunities are slim nowadays. I’ve never had the chance (okay, nerve) to walk down the street holding someone’s hand. I mean. Who’d of thought that I’d be kissing a girl in the Sistine chapel [sic]?!  Or who’d of thought I’d be kissing a girl?! Just another thing that has expanded my mind throughout  this trip. I never expected to feel so independent but when you’re on your own with all amateurs we all learn to open our minds to some things and close our minds to others. I can no longer rely on a “beaner” {which is slang for “bean burrito at Taco Bell} for pleasing a whole days worth of appetite, or asking someone something because chances are they won’t understand me anyways. Nor can I rely on the car for transportation, parents for money or advice, a cozy warm bed at night. I’m just happy to wake up in the morning and find my body scabie-free! But hey, the grass is always greener on the other side.  No, let me change that. I love it here. Let the grass be greener over there- at last I don’t have to mow it.

Hey there care bear! Today has been a little too fun for me to handle. Well, I think I should fill in last night. Rachel and I got to talk about a bunch of different things, and it felt so good to talk to her finally. Tara told her about the window story and I almost shit when she said that she knew that already, and she thought it actually happened. Tara thought it was the funniest thing she ever heard, but I didn’t.

Today we were supposed to leave for the Vatican by 10:30am but Tara and Cliff ended up “talking” again so I told Rachel to get used to it, because it happens a lot.

Blah, blah, blah, we ended up going by ourselves and it feels so good to just laugh and be myself with someone that actually feels the same way. We saw the church and cruised over to see the coliseum again, and it was so cool. You actually feel like you’re somewhere important when you look around and see ruins everywhere. We bought some fruit afterward and now we’re just relaxing in a park for a while before we get some grub. I love this city, and I’m so glad that I can be here with someone that I have so many feelings for- I don’t get to feel this way too often.

I never thought of life as actually being rewarding, but this is probably the closest I’ll ever be to my heaven, so I better enjoy it. Love comes in many different shapes and colors, and this one is peachish and shaped like an hourglass.

Well what can I say? I’m in Rome! It seems like weeks since I have written in this notebook, but I’ll fill you in.

Last night we ate a good supper, and “mom” was packing the house into boxes for the big moving day. She gave us each some good-luck coins so that was cool. We left last night at around 9:10pm and it felt so good to hold Rachel again. I’d just hold her forever if I could. Well, we were woken up at around 6am by the police that they were asking if we all had our money. That’s when Rachel noticed that all her money was gone. We kind of freaked out, but they said that they had caught the guy and we had to go to the police station in Rome in 2 hours. We sort of slept in those 2 hours but I couldn’t sleep because I felt so bad for Rachel. I just held onto her to comfort her a little more. It was one of those times where I just want to pick her up and run far away from everything in this shit world.

We ended up retrieving most of the money and so we left to get this campsite. I’m fucking camping! So far we just walked around the main downtown and saw some ruins, which is by far the coolest thing to see on this trip! I love the way I can hold onto Rachel because she shows me that she doesn’t mind by holding me as well.

We got to go swimming today also! Cool! It’s been 8 days since I’ve smoked a full cigarette. God do I want one, though! I just hope that Rachel doesn’t get sick of me on this trip because I know how annoying I can get. But I guess I’m just hoping that she likes to do the same thing, because I love it. It makes me feel closer to human again.

Oh yeah- I almost forgot (well, I did) today Rachelle [sic] asked me how you would say “mouille” en Anglais and as Tara and I told her “wet” she mistook it for “what” and kept on repeating it. It took a while before she caught on and with a red face said “oh wet!” It was great! Now I tease her all the time for it.

(Exchange rate= $1.00 to 1,500 lira)

Wow! I am so fucking tired! It’s 12:45pm now and I’m just sitting at Anouschka’s house just relaxing to some coffee and Screeching Weasel. Tara, me and Rachel sat up talking until 5:00am this morning. She can talk very good English so now I feel stupid trying to speak French, even though she says she likes my accent. But I’m so happy to finally talk to her to know what she thinks about and it makes me even happier because I like what I hear. We have so much in common that I never thought we would- I think the only difference in us is the one thing that hurts the most- Language.

But I have a whole month to get to know her as much as I can. I can’t believe that she is actually coming along with us! That’s so fucking cool! Her and Francois are still planning in hitting the states next summer so I’ll definitely be looking forward to yet another summer of what seems to be one of the last summers of my life.

{“She can talk very good English.” I really hope I was being sarcastic. Hilarious!}

Okay- a recap of my dream piece: I was waiting to get into a hostel with all these girls when all of a sudden a guy answered the door and it was Lex Luther from Superman IV(?) But he said it costed [sic] 7500 feet ($75.00) so I said “maybe if you lick the underside of my balls” and walked away. Just then I saw Geoff Witt {a classmate who I never talked to and who graduated a year ahead of me} walking up and he said “hey Doule” and gave me a high five. As I kept on walking I heard Ryan Brodsky {a friend from high school} say to him “did you see all the girls by Doule” and Geoff said “No way, Kelly Doule” and Ryan said “yeah- he gets all the chicks chasing after him.” And that’s all I can remember.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?! A little piece of my ego that I still have to destroy.

O.K… About the rest of yesterday:

We sat at the train station in Bobadia [sic] for the longest 7 hours of my life, which consisted of no food (well, a piece of bread), a little warm water, 48 degrees Celsius heat, two hours of card playing (“Hearts”) and no sleep since the rent-a–pig kept waking me up and bitching in Spanish. I didn’t understand him so I went back to sleep. He didn’t like it. We finally got on the train at 8:00pm and were seated with an Italian and a German both who spoke a little English. Well, to get right to the moral of this story we smoked three joints worth of hashish and the Italian took me down to the bar to drink 4 beers and some dry gin. He started arguing with the bartender for not giving him more beer so I left and went to bed, but three more Spaniards came into our room at around 3:00am so we were neck to neck in a little fucking room while nut case “crazy horse” was bitching & running up and down the halls. No sleep.

So tonight we got couchettes {sleeper cars} to Geneva (rapido). Well, today we hung out on the beach in Barcelona again and got kicked off a train about halfway through this entry for not having a reservation, so I’ll just play some cards!

Now it’s 11:00pm and I’m laying [sic] on the most comfortable beds in the world- on a train at least! It’s the best thought to know that when I wake up I’ll be with Rachel for a full month! Her mom will be happy to know that I quit smoking and so will she maybe. I’m going to bed right now so I don’t have to wait for it anymore. The time is here! Bonne nuit!

(This was just a random excerpt written on the page between July 22nd and July 24th . I’m not sure of the exact date it was conceived)

Search far and wide

for somewhere to hide

But leave your tracks

within the tide

For when they come

to burn your mind

They’ll find instead

a waste of time

Dead like the wind

devoured by waves

The prints are gone

without a trace…

Oopla! I left my bag at the station for a few days so we wouldn’t have to haul it around! Oh well- I got a 4-hour train ride for now so let’s begin.

On Thursday (We got into Algeciras Wednesday night and stayed at a comfortable hostel, no windowsill) we got on the ferry to Africa at around 4:30pm and arrived at about 6:00pm. The cruise was really cool since it was my first time on a big boat. They had cigarette and liquor store and a casino in it!

But anyways we to Africa and walked around for 3 and a half hours before we even found a place to stay. The whole town reeked of piss and shit; I walked behind Tara the whole time because I didn’t trust any of the guys there, the people sucked and everything was dirty and uphill. We planned on staying until today, but we left after 18 hours. The hostile was a dump so we got drunk and threw shit out the window on the gypsies and “gobbed” onto car windshields. I had one cigarette that night and haven’t touched one since.

Yesterday morning we went back to Algeciras and hopped right onto the bus in Gibralter [sic]. We took a trolley to the top and started walking around. We went through all kinds of trails and stone cells that used to hold prisoners. But after about an hour of walking (5:45pm) we got to the main part of the rock- an underground labyrinth of weird looking rock formations everywhere. It was once said to be bottomless, and the link to Africa- possibly how the first apes arrived in Spain.

There is an auditorium made where concerts are held. I will be there someday.

Well, by this time we were hungry so we made our way back down. We found the apes’ hangout spot and they found our bag of food. So after watching them for a while we left in search of food. I wanted something cheap so we chose Pizza Hut.

Bad idea!

I had a personal pan pizza, a bowl of soup, and a large coke for around $19.00! At least they spoke English, since it was Great Britain! Well, we hit three countries in one day! Not bad!

We came back to Algeciras last night and stayed at the same hostel, but this time I had to sleep in my own room. No problem- I entertain myself.

Well, it’s almost 1:00pm here and we’ll be switching trains until we arrive in Lausanne Monday afternoon so I’m gonna sleep! I only had one cigarette in the past 3 days now!

I’m so fucking tired! I got less than 4 hours of sleep on the train last might due to crazy fun!
Yesterday morning we went to the zoo and saw the “special” white gorilla named Snowflake. Just a dumb fucking animal to me. We saw a dolphin show and all that good stuff, but we left after 2  and a half hours because of hungryness. {I cringe writing some of this because I have no idea why I ever thought “hungryness” was an actual word. Also, when I wrote about the Albino gorilla I thought “Oh, how awesome!” and then the next words I saw were “Just a dumb animal to me” and I’m upset for myself for thinking that way.}

After Burger King we saw some big church thing and made our way back to the station. Our train left at 6:00pm and we hated the people in our compartment so we migrated over to the next one where a 23 year old named Mike had just gotten done with the Peace Corps in Romania for 2 years and wanted to hit Portugal before he went home to Michigan again. But somehow all these Americans weaseled their way into our “new” compartment with it now being me, Mike, Zack (Canadian), 2 guys from Germany, a girl from Norway, and another L.A. guy. Oh yeah, and some fat old Spanish guy who spoke no English.

At around 12:00am someone pulled out some hashish and rolled ‘er up. Yeah! 20 minutes later we had another one going and by that time we just talked about the weirdest things; past experiences, drugs, swearing at people in front of their face and watching then smile. We talked about everything until about 4:00am and then went to bed, thus taking up all the room so that the old guy had to stay awake all night outside the room.

Today we got into Seville at around 8:00am and left with Mike to go hit the town. We saw “The Cathedral of Seville” which is the biggest in the world, and also where Cristobal Colon (Christopher Columbus) is buried. Me and Mike lit up in it! Fuck that jazz! We walked around in the record-breaking 45 degree weather. Ouch! Now we’re on the train to Algeciras for going to Gibraltar and Morocco, Africa tomorrow. Whew. Only 4 more days! It was cool outside the train last night because the moon was not only orange but at the same level as me. So cool.

I don’t know what else to say, so I won’t.

It’s fucking hot here! Not really, but I just wanted to get your attention. We finally got here in Barcelona, Spain at around 10:30am. We found a nice hostel for $20.00 a night but that’s okay; at least it has nice bathrooms and hot water for our tea. The actual town is quite amazing, including the topless beaches which are quite addicting. A man came up to me a asked me for a cigarette this afternoon, and so I gave him one. He demanded that I let him shine my boots so asked him how much. He just shook his head and muttered something so I figured it was free. After he was done (10 minutes) he pulled out a wallet and price guide, which came to 1400 pesetas ($12.00) and I gave him a little over 500 ($4.50) and took off, since he never told me. Stupid old fucker.

We’re now planning on arriving in Switzerland next Monday so it better not change considering we were supposed to be back on Saturday. I say fuck Spain, but the majority rules. Tara and I were talking about how Rachel didn’t plan on traveling with us at all before we came. She thought that since we were older and Anouschka’s friends that we wouldn’t want to talk to her, so instead she bought a bike. Well, 4 months later she decides that we’re cool people and gets a job to travel with us. Meantime, Anouschka decides that her job is more important than traveling so she drops out. Now Rachel, along with Anouschka’s friends Nathalie et Francois plan a month long trip to the states for next summer which now include both me et Tara, the original “outcasts” to Rachel. The plan will probably fall through but just hearing Rachel talk about me makes me happy. I can’t wait to spend a whole month with her bu my side every waking hour in only 1 week! Woo Hoo! Meanwhile, back in the states, a record-breaking heat wave covers the entire country killing over 100 people in just this month alone. Averages of over 100 degrees every day this month, while we complain about the 80 degree weather here (32 degrees Celsius).

Tomorrow night we leave for Seville, which hit 100 degrees today. That’s okay though- I get to hold Rachel for a whole month! I don’t care how fucking hot it is- I’ll make it just like a “movie romance” since it might be the last time I’m with her. It won’t be my choice, though; I’ll wait forever for her.

Well, it’s almost 9:30pm, and I’m gonna catch some Z’s for the zoo tomorrow at 9:00am. I’m cutting down to $15.00 a day because I know that once I’m traveling with Rachel I’m gonna buy her everything in sight.

“You know how hard it is for me to shake the disease that takes a hold of my tongue in situations like these.” “Understand me.”  {These are lyrics from ‘Shake the Disease’ by Depeche Mode}